Starting Over

I feel like in a way I’m starting over, with everything- Shania Twain

I saw this quote today, and I resonated with me. I also saw a quote from an ancient Zen proverb:

Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.

It’s crazy. I’ve been a Jedi Knight for 3 years. And I can’t tell you what I’ve done with it. Hell, I feel like I slipped backwards more than forwards. But, maybe that’s okay. I did make progress in other areas of my life. I’m about to be a doctor, I’ve progressed along my path as a healer. I’ve also met and got to MARRY the man of my dreams. I have a family now.

But, in the field of self-development, I haphazardly meditate, I don’t exercise, I don’t eat right, and I don’t really involve myself in the Jedi Community.

I don’t know why, but I guess I had it in my head that after Knighthood I would deepen my connection to myself, the Force and my path. But that’s not what happened.

And one of the most humbling things I’ve had to realize is I’m human, and being human means starting over sometimes. And in a way, I’m not starting over either. I still have the lessons of the past. But I can guide my own training now. So, what I was doing before Knighthood, I should still be doing now. After enlightenment….chop wood, carry water. After Knighthood…keep developing yourself.

So, I went to Staples yesterday and the bookstore. I’m going back to basics. I got some notebooks to journal in, and I bought “way of the Peaceful Warrior.” And I’m going to get to work.

I picked this book because it was my first step into my Jedi Path, and it was the first book recommendation from my mentor. So, I’m hoping to glean some insight from it, maybe give me a trajectory of where I want to go.

I don’t know if I still consider myself a Jedi, a Gray, a Sith, or a Sage. But I do know….it’s time to chop wood, and carry water.